It’s been a battle of the will to write lately. I sit down at the computer most every day, but each word typed just doesn’t seem to come out the way I’d wanted. Part of it is the dark cloud that’s been over my mind and heart for several days now- you know, the feeling of apathy mixed with a sense of disappointment that parts of life just haven’t turned out quite the way you’d hoped.
These feelings aren’t new to me; no, this has been the enemy’s strategy many times. Yet I hear the gentle words of the Spirit saying, “Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5)
Praise. “I will yet praise Him”, the psalmist says. In 2 Chronicles 20, the people of Israel were being attacked by a foreign enemy. Their king appointed men to sing praises to God as their enemy approached, and this is what happened: “As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir [their enemies] who were invading Judah, and they were defeated.” (v.22)
…As they began to sing and praise. Praise.
I was sitting in church yesterday morning, and I began looking over some of the later Psalms. It dawned on me that they all start with some sort of, “Praise God”. I immediately thought, “I should probably use these to do the praising that I’m feeling called to do during this season.” Later the same day, I get this text from a dear friend, “You have been on my mind today! The last 5 or 6 Psalms in the Bible are of praise. I arm myself with those. Have a good day!” And that- things like that– are the confirmations and mercy of God in our weakness.
As I’m sure anyone that battles emotionally knows, sometimes you worship with your mind, but your feelings just can’t quite seem to get there. And this instance is no different. I sit, writing and saying these Psalms aloud, yet my feelings remain largely the same. Even still, I’m convinced that as I make the choice to obey this prompting despite the way I feel, He will deliver me in His perfect time.
And isn’t that what we’re all asked to do? Wake up each day, put one foot in front of the other, obey each small step He tells us to take, and trust Him with the victory.